Thoughts on Being a Homemaker

Ok, deep breath. I am going to say something that might just make someone mad. That is of course not my intention, but whenever you say something that isn't "warm and fuzzy" you are bound to ruffle someone's feathers.

Whenever I tell someone that I am a "stay at home mom" I tend to get one of several reactions. It's either, "Wow, aren't you lucky to not have to work", or they look surprised to see me dressed in something other than sweatpants and tee-shirts. For some reason there is this expectation that if I stay at home with my young children, I should look frazzled, and like I did not even brush my hair this morning.

Obviously stereotypes are born for a reason. They aren't always accurate, of course, but they do exist due to some degree of truth. Many, many mothers out there, who are home all day with their children fall into the habit of just throwing whatever clothes on, pulling their hair back in a messy pony tail and just trying to make it through the day. Now, this post isn't really about appearance (you didn't think I was shallow, did you, lol?). I think this issue of appearance is really just a symptom of a bigger problem. It's a problem that almost all of us who stay at home have faced, and one that it is hard to really recognize until we are ready to make some changes.

When our children are babies, our days are often filled with yucky diaper changes, spit-up, and sleep deprivation. As they get a little older the spit-up becomes sticky gooey messes (I had no idea that animal crackers could create such a horrendous mess!). It just seems like as they get a little bigger so does the mess! As the mother of babies and toddlers and preschoolers I have often found myself feeling as if I was drowning in a sea of laundry, diapers, and a house that I can't quite seem to get under control. It's an overwhelming feeling, and one that can lead to feeling discouraged.

I tend to be the type of person who sets high expectations, and can be a bit of perfectionist (yes, I know, I'm sure you are shocked, lol), so finding myself in this prediciment is frustrating to say the least. I don't want to just "skate" by through life, I want to be excellent at the things I do. So, why would my life as a homemaker be any different? Why does making the decision to stay at home to raise my children and take care of my family mean that the standards for how I live my life should drop?

So what do you do to fix this? How can you change the way your days are feeling?

First, dress does affect attitude, and not just your attitude, but the attitude of others toward you. Just because we are not heading out into the work place, or because we are spending most of our time surrounded by our children, is not a reason to skip getting dressed. What sort of message does this send to our husband, and to our children? Your husband will likely feel like you do not care enough about his opinion to get dressed for him. If you have daughters they will feel like once they become a mother they are no longer "pretty" and have to give all of that up (which, frankly, isn't a very good incentive to make them want to be homemakers) and if you have sons they will think that once their future wives have children this is what they will become. Even strangers are affected by your appearance. They take one look at someone in typical "stay at home mom" attire and decide that you must not be making a valuable contribution to society (which is of course ridiculous, but let's face it, people make rash judgements based on nothing more than their first impression).

Here is what I have found: It doesn't necessarily have to take that much more time to put on something that looks neat and tidy and pulled together than it does to throw on jeans and a tee shirt. When I am wearing something that feels pulled together, then I feel pulled together.

Second, we need to make an attitude change in how we view our work in the home. Because we are home, we often have more flexibility in our days...meaning that if we don't feel like doing a specific task we can just let it slide. Of course it always catches back up to us, leading to us feeling like we have fallen so far behind, but there just isn't the same urgency in the way we go about our days as people who are in the workforce might have. At work, you can't just ignore the things your boss asks you to do or you will get fired. But who's going to fire you if the laundry piles up? At work you can't just say, well I don't feel like going to this meeting today, so I'll do it tomorrow. You have to be at the meeting when the meeting takes place, lol.

We need to view the things that we do each day as important. Laundry isn't just laundry. Having clean clothes in the proper places helps each of our family members start their day on the right foot. Cooking dinner isn't just about food, it's about nurturing your family. Keeping a clean house shows your husband how much you value what he has provided for you, and your children that you care about the way they live. Not to mention that shouldn't we want to be good at what we do? Shouldn't we want to learn how to prepare great meals, decorate our homes in a way that is pleasing to both the eye and budget, and keep things running efficiently around the house?

I have ladies come to me quite often saying that they feel overwhelmed and like they just can't get things done. I ask them a little bit about their day and the answers are usually fairly similar. Honestly it seems to be an epidemic amongst us. We are overwhelmed, feeling like we are failing and falling short, and frustrated because we can't figure out why.

Fixing the problem seems like a contradiction. Raise the expectations. Wait, but won't that make us feel even more overwhelmed????? It could, unless we rise up to meet those expectations.

But how???? Ok, well I think the first two suggestions are a good start. Get dressed, and change our attitude. But then what? Figure out what it is that you want to accomplish every day, set some priorities, and then make a road map of how to get there. Whether that be a set schedule, or a loose knit to-do list, just make a plan.

Homemaking is something that I feel passionately about. Partially because it is what I do, but also because I feel like it is a very special role that God created especially for women. Knowing that He has created this place for me encourages me because I know that He also created me with everything that I need to be able to do it successfully. It's just up to me to use what He has given me to the best of my abilities.

Happy Homemaking,