Transparent Motherhood

 

I'm a stay at home mom. I'm also a mom who homeschools. That means, yep, you guessed it, I'm pretty much always home with my children. Yes, I'm around my children all day, every single day.


This is an awesome thing. I get to see first hand all of the "firsts", all of the joys of learning something new, all of the sweet moments and triumphs. We spend so much time together that we can know what each other is thinking, and feeling, without saying a word, It's a wonderful closeness. I wouldn't trade it for anything...

With this closeness comes another side though. Because we spend every.waking.moment together, we also get to see every failure, every shortcoming, and every mistake. There's a transparency that I don't think could really compare to anything else.

My children see nearly everything I do. Good, bad, or ugly, they are usually right by my side. When the two year old writes all over my favorite planner, they see how I react. When I stub my toe, they're watching. I'm a real person, with real emotions, and my actions and reactions aren't always perfect. I fail, every day, and my children are right there to see it.

My children also like to talk. A lot. I'm a rather quiet person, so this can be a test for my patience. And, I don't always pass the test.

It's not easy, always having that responsibility. But, something amazing has also come out of that. You see, I realized that even though they see that I'm not the sweetest person before my morning coffee, and that I tend to skip breakfast, and that I really really don't like being poked in the face, they love me. They really love me. They want to be around me. They don't want to not be together all the time. It's amazing. They know my every shortcoming and they still love me. It's nothing short of amazing. It reminds me of another Someone who loves me. Another Someone whose love for me is unconditional.

Having that transparency keeps me accountable. Do they see me pray? Do they see me read my Bible? Are my actions honoring to God? Am I kind? Do I have a bad attitude? Do I do my best in my work around the house? How do I react when no one else is looking?

It also reminds me that it's ok to not be perfect. I'm still lovable, even as a flawed human being. I can be loved and love others, without having to be perfect.

I'm thankful for the transparent relationship I have with the boys. I pray that our closeness will remain as they grow older. I am thankful that they know how much I love them. I'm thankful that I know how much they love me.

Pax Christi,