Returning Good for Evil

The subject of nonresistance, and turning the other cheek keeps coming up. It seems to be something I just can't get away from, no matter how I might try! Lately it has been very much on my heart. It is something I continually struggle with. Most would say that I am a very "nice" person, I've been described as "sweet" my entire life. What most people don't know is that I inwardly struggle with anger, and if I am not careful, I can become quite bitter and resentful. This is a battle I face every day. Sometimes every minute.

Being nonresistant means returning good for evil. When someone makes a "snarky" comment you just smile, and purpose yourself to be kind to them. It means immediately letting go of anger when someone is mean to you. It means continually forgiving, even when that forgiveness is undeserved. It means CHOOSING to love your enemies. No, it's not easy, and it is something I fail at every day.

It seems that lately I have been given the opportunity to face my struggle with turning the other cheek rather frequently. I felt drawn to read a post I had written some time ago, and felt like I should share it here.

October 28, 2008- Returning Good for Evil

It seems that no matter where I turn these days, this particular topic keeps popping back up. Believe me, I have tried to get away from it. The thought comes up in my mind and I instantly start scrambling to think of something else. Every time it comes back up it is as if I am screaming "No, God, ask me to do anything else and I will, but not this!"

That might seem a bit strange, coming from someone who has been willing to do so many other things. He tells me to homeschool and I say "Yes, Lord", dress modestly "Yes, Lord, whatever You want from me", let Him be in control of our family size "Yes, Lord, I am willing", cover my head "Yes, Lord, I will obey You." So why then? Why is THIS so hard?

We have been through some very difficult trials with our extended family. We have been broken-hearted and so angry at them for their outright persecution of us. After much prayer we were eventually able to move past our anger and even forgive. We even came to a point of feeling compassion for the utter emptiness that is in their lives. But doing good to them? How? How am I supposed to do this? Isn't just not being angry enough?

I am not one to believe in "coincidences". I have always believed that God is Providential, and that when things happen, there is usually a reason. We do not always, or even often, know why things happen, but it just seems that in hindsight, there was a really good reason for almost everything. Recently we met a lady while shopping at the Salvation Army, and that weekend she invited us over for tea and cookies. As we were preparing to leave and head home the subject of the difficult situation we had faced with our extended family somehow came up. She said "I have a book that you just have to read, it's about almost the exact same thing!" We were astonished. We have been constantly amazed to hear that so many families, just like ours, had faced the same difficulties. My husband started reading the book that evening, and could hardly put it down. He kept telling me about the story, and we were amazed, over and over again, by the similarities. The family in the book's situation went further than ours did, and they faced bigger difficulties than we did, but it was a story that we could relate too, even in the small details. After he finished reading the book he kept telling me how this theme of returning good for evil ran all through the book. It was interesting as this topic had been on my mind already, but as I mentioned, I didn't really want to think about it. He said that he just couldn't stop thinking about that, and that it was really weighing on him. Now my heart felt really heavy. I felt like screaming "Ok, ok I am listening God. But please don't make me!"

Finally willing to submit to this, we face a new problem. How do we honor God by returning good for evil, while also honoring our biblical responsibilities as parents to protect our children and to shelter them from harm? The answer of protecting them seems clear, but then what are we supposed to do to show kindness to these people? My mind feels boggled to even think of it, and to be honest, it makes my heart anxious a bit. Yes, I know, anxiety is not a godly feeling. I know that He will provide the answer to us, in His time. And I know that I am ready to listen when that answer does come. I pray that God will soften my heart so that I will not have hesitation when He reveals to us what we must do. I know that God has allowed us to go through difficult times for a purpose, and much of that purpose has shown itself to us, but is it possible that this is also part of that purpose? Is there some big lesson in learning to be kind to these people? Somehow I think the answer is yes.

In Christ's Love,